on being brought to wonder

There are times in life for all of us, I think, that we need to be reminded of what it means to wonder at something. To marvel at the world, at its pure beauty. There are times we need to see tangible reminders of God's divine presence.

And then there are times when we need to revisit the moments that restored us to wonder. Times when you've felt something in your heart shift, something crack a little, and anger leaks out a little. Anger at the unfairness of life, at people who are receiving gifts you so dearly long for but they don't appreciate at all. Anger at God for not making the world right as you would see it. Anger that you don't see why your idea of rightness isn't in line with what He is doing around you. 

And when that anger seeps out, it is time to seek wonder actively. It is time to look once again for beauty, for reminders that He is who He says He is. It is time to choose faith. Not just say faith, not just speak aloud words expressing trust in Him. It is time to actually make those words true.

When I am in that place, the place of not understanding why, of begging him to show me what the plan is, of crying in frustration for not knowing everything I feel I should, I seek wonder in nature. Grace hides in the millions of grains of sand on the beach, in the waves crashing to shore in their furious sounds and foamy rage at the earth blocking them from continuing, finally coming to rest peacefully at the tide mark. Finally slowing down and accepting that the earth will be there, and that it isn't something to be angry at, but to be savored, with a slow glide up the surface and back out again to where the waves live. 

Grace hides in the treasures those furious waves bring with them to shore. The shark's tooth that has traveled miles to find a resting place, a place to be reunited with the earth and slowly become part of the sands again. The tooth that has been drifting for so long has finally found a new home, a peaceful one.

Grace is in the trees changing color for autumn, shedding their leaves as the seasons change, knowing that they will be restored again in the spring. The trees do not fight grace; they accept it so willingly, so smoothly, confident that the spring will bring renewal.

I want faith like the waves, like the debris on the beach, like the branches of the trees. I want the peace in knowing that renewal is constant, grace is ever present, that He will always be who He says He is. I want faith as pure as nature. I want to be restored to wonder at Him, just as I am restored to wonder at the beauty of the world we live in.

Where do you go to find wonder when your heart is aching?

community brew vol. 4: gratitude

Please excuse how blurry this is. I'm slowly saving for a DSLR but we are mostly focused on saving for a down payment on a house. I think trading blurry pictures for an open concept and big porch is an excellent deal.

Every month I love sitting down with my morning coffee and my friends Rachel and Madison, and this month, Martha Kate, for Community Brew. It is so refreshing to sit in real conversation, discussing our hearts and where they are, and of course, talking about Jesus. This month we're talking about gratitude. I usually post on Wednesdays when this linkup goes life (and in general) but I intentionally waited until this morning to write because something special was happening for us yesterday.
Since moving to Columbia, we have left the church we were members of prior to getting married and for a few months after. We had begun to feel some unrest about it, and eventually decided that some of our core beliefs simply didn't line up with the church's anymore. Finding a new church has been...challenging.
But. Oh the joy I have writing this out. We have found it. We've found the church home we've been looking for. It's an Acts 29 church plant (read more about the network here) called Riverside Community Church and is exactly right. It's smallish, doesn't make use of too much technology, has no webcasting of sermons, something we've found we enjoy as it has kept the church feeling so much more communal, and yet so welcoming. The music is acoustic, just a few people with voices and instruments worshiping sweetly and simply, and the pastor is such a humble servant. It's everything we had hoped could exist in one church.
After finally deciding this was our church home, we immediately looked for a small group in our region of the city, and found one. We learned yesterday while typing it in to see how far away it was that they meet in our neighborhood, hardly over a mile away.
I was beginning to give up on the idea of us ever finding community here. It has been almost a year, after all, and the only people I really know are those from work, one of my best friends from college, who I never see because she's in pharmacy school, and a girl I sort of knew indirectly in high school who now lives in our neighborhood. Our other friends moved away with our sweet godson, so it's been pretty lonely here.
But last night, sitting in the dining room of the nicest couple while kids ran around playing together, everyone singing before starting to discuss, and then staying around talking long after the formal gathering was over, it felt so right. There were people from so many stages of life. Some were in college, some married with babies, some with young kids, some with teenagers, even a sweet grandmother, and some other twenty somethings not yet married. It was such a wonderful thing to be in a mixture of people from so many life stages. So many people who may not have much in common but love the Lord and each other. It was wonderful.
So today, I'm on my knees in deepest gratitude. This new church and potential community is an answer to a long repeated prayer. Sometimes when things don't happen on my timeline, I turn to God and say, "Why aren't you showing up? Where are you? Nothing is happening like it's supposed to!" And without fail, when I'm ready to give up on him, he shows me once again that he is always, always right. And for that, I am so deeply thankful.
What are you thankful for today? Have you gone through seasons like this before?

when you feel disconnected from god

 

It happens to all of us. We have seasons of intense faith, where we feel it in every inch of our souls, and are on fire with desire for more. And then there are the dry spells. The ones where you know God is there and you still believe, but you can't seem to find that connection again.

 

There are times when we are talking about our faith but not connected to the words we're saying. Times when the words seem a little empty. Times when our hearts aren't in it.

 

In those times, connecting to Jesus is one of the hardest things to be motivated to do. Seeking Him sounds hard and we aren't really up to it. It all seems a bit frustrating. How can I seek Him when I just don't feel him? How can I connect when it all feels so empty?

 

This journal is an excellent resource to help you find your love of Jesus again. I wrote these things out in a season of dryness myself.

 

And in those times our souls are truly the most desperate to connect. In times of dry faith, the only thing to do that can bring the faith back is to dive in and drink in the living water. In times of dry faith the only thing that can ease the apathy is putting even more energy and effort into connecting with the one who knows your soul.

 

Write down what draws you nearest to him. Note the times that you've felt Him most. Find the things that inspire your heart, and seek those things out.

 

My mission here is to show the love of Jesus through my words and actions, and to help women connect with Him on a deeper level. And I am so excited for a new opportunity that has come up to help do exactly that, for those who are in a dry season or a season of abundant faith.

 

Once a month I'll be writing a review of a book from Crossway, and using it as an opportunity to tell what I have learned and teach more of what I know. I am so excited to grow in my own walk and to help you, sweet friend, to grow as well.

 

I'm so ready to take on this journey and to start reading my first book. This one is all about studying the Bible and how to really dive in, and I cannot wait to learn from this, share, and provide some of my own tools and tips.

 

So, sweet friend, if you are feeling disconnected, dive in. And tell me how I can help you. Nothing brings me more joy than to see someone growing in faith and expanding their journey.

 

How do you reconnect when you're running low on faith? Where do you look for your inspiration?

if i had my dream kitchen, this is what would be in it

Be still my heart. {img source}

Most weekends find me hovered around the stove thinking up something new to bake or make for my man, my friends, or myself, because I like food and I'm not ashamed to say so. Cooking is a release for me, a creative process with a heartwarming result. Let me carefully fold egg yolks into butter for a dreamy sauce for fish and asparagus. Give me spices to combine and season pastas and soups. I long for dough to knead, let rise, knead again, all for a perfect ciabatta loaf to eat with everything..
The first room that got attention when I moved out on my own: my kitchen. The first room to get settled when we moved into our house: our kitchen. My kitchen is the heart of my home, and it's where I go to create things that show the people I love how much I care. Food is the deepest expression of love for me, making it, sharing it, conversing over it. My favorite moments are around the table, eating, with people I cherish.

Oh, the things I would make here.{img source}

So, when PartSelect reached out to me about their blogger contest for a custom KitchenAid mixer and asked what five appliances I would have in my dream kitchen, I spent hours dreaming and designing, and finally determined exactly what my dream would look like in reality..
First of all, my dream home would have two kitchens. One for every day cooking, and one just for baking and honing my craft of cooking. Extravagant? Maybe, but I don't care, this is my dream and if it's lavish, so be it. That's what dreams are for.

To be baking in here, with friends standing by the island with wine and laughter...{img source}

I would give the most attention to the honing/baking kitchen. I dream about a French country-style kitchen gracing the layout of my home someday. It would have the most beautiful ivory antique finished cabinets with silver hardware, a white cast-iron extra deep two-sided sink, subway tile backsplash, an island with a butcher block counter top...and the appliances...

1. Stainless steel double ovens. Big ones. They would be well loved, used all the time for a million baked goods and experiments, some failed and some wildly successful.
2. An industrial sized stand mixer because I think if you have two kitchens you should have a really big mixer so you can make lots of things to share with lots of people.
3. A separate gas range, built into the island, conveniently placed directly in front of the sink on one side and the ovens on the other. Easily accessed from either side so that I don't have to pause everything to reach something else I need.
4. A stainless steel dishwasher capable of holding every dish I own because I hate washing dishes.
5. Very large refrigerator and freezer. Perfect for making things ahead, storing some favorite creations to pop out on short notice, and keeping all my ingredients well stocked so I can bake on a whim without having to go to the store to get things. 

This dream baking kitchen would be so customized I would never want to leave. Everyone who knew me would be so thrilled I had the kitchen because it meant lots and lots of wonderful food for them all the time.
After all, the best part of baking and cooking is sharing the fruits of your labor with those you love. There's not much more loving than showing up at a neighbor's house with chocolate mascarpone cake just to say I was thinking of you.
What would your dream kitchen contain?

there is no title fit for this, except maybe love and other joys in sorrow.

My family. I wasn't born to all of you, but you're family all the same.

Today I'm amazed at how blessed I have been. Our family and dearest friends are grieving over the loss of our beautiful, loving, life-filled, unique, and joyful friend Ginny. Yesterday morning she parted from the world, surrounded by her husband and children. Cancer isn't holding her hostage anymore. And though we are so sad, we are so incredibly grateful to have had her in our lives. Our hearts are in California with these ones we hold so dear.

Thankful for the example of what love and friendship should look like from these two.

I was born with a great family, and I am so lucky that I have more family than I was born with, though these lovely people became family soon after my birth. My childhood would look so different without them. Our "framily" is a wonderful gift. And we know that Martha, our other dear friend who left too soon years ago, was there to meet Ginny in Heaven. What a beautiful gift God gave us in these friendships turned family.

I am so glad that all of the people we love were able to be with us on this day. To have them come from the opposite coast...words don't do it justice.

How lovely that in grief we can celebrate the amount of love and joy she gave us. 
How blessed I am to have more family than I was born with.
Please keep our dear, dear framily in your prayers as they begin to pick up the pieces.
Revelations 21:40 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

to live boldly through doubt and darkness

Today I'm linking up with one of my very favorite regular reads, Amber from Mr. Thomas and Me, and her cohost Kate from The Florkens, for their series Doubt and Devotion.

Doubt. It's such a heavy thing. Doubt keeps us away from what we love, from adventure, from starting something new. Doubt can paralyze us so much that we don't even pursue our callings.

One of my biggest recent doubts has been changing this blog. Moving forward in this way, sharing my faith so publicly and deeply, sharing my heart with strangers worldwide, writing and making myself vulnerable for all the nations to see. I was overwhelmed. Yet I knew I must. I was convicted that this blog, this space, these words, are to be my ministry. God kept nudging me repeatedly, giving me fire and passion inside to write here, and yet, I was so afraid.

So I turned to Esther. Esther is one of my favorite women in the Bible. She is lovely, humble, and yet oh so bold. She is fiercely rooted in her convictions and faith, devoted to the Lord with every ounce of her being. And yet, she is unequally yoked, married to a very very powerful king, one who had previously banished a wife for refusing to obey him.

When the King is convinced by a terrible adviser to put the Jews to death, for they feared the Lord more than they feared their King, and would surely be mutinous as a result, Esther must make a choice. She must choose to either stand by and allow her people to be killed, or she must take on the armor of her faith and stand up to the king, knowing he may very well choose to kill her for her impertinence.

Surely Esther had doubt. Surely her heart was full of dread at the thought of standing up to her husband. Surely she had moments in which she questioned whether God was with her. Surely she wanted to do anything but be bold in her faith.

But Esther was not paralyzed by her doubt. Esther was not silent. Esther was bold, and did as the Lord required of her, and faced her husband with her faith and the armor of her Lord.

Do you know what happened next?

Her husband listened. And he renounced his plans to kill the Jews, and gave them the freedom to love and obey their God.  He adored his wife, that brave, bold woman who did the unthinkable and stood up to him despite the overwhelming doubt. Esther had faced her calling, faced the fear and hesitation, and was rewarded for it.

It's the same for us, friends. We are Esther, protected by the armor of God, and despite our doubts about the future, as long as we faithfully pursue our calling even in the midst of doubt and darkness, He will carry us.

My prayer today is that I would seek my calling diligently, that I would live boldly, and that I would persevere even when my heart is so full of fear I can hardly breathe. My prayer is that I would take Esther's example to heart, and that my doubts would never be larger than my love of the Lord and my trust in His faithfulness.

I pray that all of you would fight against your fears and doubts and live boldly and faithfully.

So, my sweet friends, what has you doubtful today? How to do move forward when fear paralyzes your heart?

micah 6:8 iPhone lockscreen freebie

A little freebie to start your week this week. This is my life verse. It always reminds me that striving isn't the answer. I don't have to do that, because God didn't ask me to strive or be a major success or become the most incredible superhuman woman ever in history. He asked me to do three things: do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly by His side.

Download the lockscreen here.

What is your life verse? What passages get you through when you're overwhelmed?

blogger coffee date

Yesterday I shared that I've hired Rachel to do an overhaul on my blog, which I could not be more excited about. I love reading what is on other blogger's hearts and minds, and I love to write about my own thoughts and desires,so I was thrilled when I discovered that today, she and Madison of Wetherills Say I Do would hosting a blogger coffee date linkup. I'm so happy I discovered Rachel's blog, for so many reasons!

So, if we sat down for coffee together, I would order a tall no water Chai latte with skim milk if we were at Starbucks, or a large house blend with a pump of vanilla at any other coffee shop. You can learn a lot about a shop by their house blend.

We would start with casual conversation, the usual small talk, I would ask you about your work and tell you I am so in love with mine it's not even funny. But alas, I am not very fond of small talk. I enjoy long, deep conversations with my friends, so the small talk would quickly transform to something more.

I would probably have a journal in my purse, because I carry one everywhere just in case. I would pull it out and show you this little hand lettering of a part of 2 Chronicles 20:17 I did last Sunday.

This verse and the story it's found in made a big impact on my faith. Lately I haven't been quite as sure of God's presence as I have been in the past. Lately I have felt like He wasn't there, and I had to control it all. If we were sitting down for coffee, I would tell you that reading this verse was the biggest reassurance He's still on my side.

I would tell you that this week I have gained so much insight into myself. I'm finding my voice in a whole new way. I would tell you I've rediscovered my passion for writing, and that I've realized it's okay that Sew My Soul had to change along with me. I'm seeing some possibilities for my future that make me so excited and nervous at the same time. And my dear, sweet husband is so supportive through it all. Every new realization I've had and every possibility I've been seeing has him so excited for me to. That man is such a blessing. God really outdid himself.

So, friend, what would you tell me if we sat down for coffee? How is your heart? What has you excited and is awakening your soul today?

Grab the button and link up with us!

why this posting regularly thing hasn't happened

Lately I've been thinking. About me, what makes me tick, what brings me peace, what brings me joy, and how do I find balance in my life between responsibilities and my passions? The thing is, this blog started as a refashioning blog about sewing and how to do it. And lately I haven't stitched a thing. I have a dresser in my office with several pieces ready to go under the knife pinking shears and I just haven't done it. Why?

My little space to write. {print from vallarina creative}

I love to sew. Truly I do. When I do it I have joy and fun and a sense of accomplishment. But my heart hasn't come alive when I write tutorials on sewing like it once did. When I was in college, I loved how-to posts and I loved sharing projects. But life these days hasn't lent itself to how-to. And my heart isn't in how-to anymore.

My place from which to sew, pre-office makeover. Fun fact: this sewing table belonged to Drew's grandmother and his father refinished the top when he was in high school. It's the real deal from the 1920's.

This blog is going to undergo some changes here. There will be the occasional stitchery, and I will be sharing some projects here and there. But I'm not going to be a craft blogger anymore. Lifestyle blogging is what fits me here and now.

Writing is one of my deepest joys. I have journals all over the house. Any time I'm just having a hard day or just not quite myself, my sweet husband asks, "have you written anything in your journals this week?" He knows how I love to see words flow onto a page. He knows I learn myself and my heart more with each entry. He knows my passion. So while I'm not going to be a craft blogger anymore, I am going to keep blogging here.

I've toyed with the idea of building a whole new blog from scratch. I've considered that it might be easier to transition if I create something new. After all, the name of this blog lends itself to crafting immediately. But Sew My Soul means a little more than just crafting. You see, our lives are pieces of thread woven into a tapestry that is all of Creation. It is being stitched, embroidered, developed, and sewn each day. The small piece of the tapestry that is my life is being stitched as well. My soul, so to speak, is in a constant state of being sewn. Thus, Sew My Soul will continue to be my blogging home.

My fantastic mom/bff and I at the event I spent the last six months planning. A little bit of who I am in this picture. No, that's not a real tattoo. We had a body painter who drew inspiration from everyone's colorful outfits.

What does this mean for you, sweet reader? Well, it means you'll see more things like my thoughts on marriage and body image. You'll begin to see things like me joining a linkup with Princess Burlap on sweetness, or with Rachel of Oh Simple Thoughts for coffee dates. You'll see more of my heart here. You'll see more of real life. Sometimes I'll show you a craft or two, but I'm not going to push myself to be pumping them out constantly. When you come here, you'll be getting to know me. This blog is going to be real from now on. Real me, real thoughts, real life, not just a little thing I like to do in my spare time. This isn't to say I don't love craft blogs; it just doesn't fit who I am anymore.


Welcome to the new Sew My Soul. I hope you'll enjoy its fresh start with me.