making a comeback with 13.1

I haven't blogged in a long, long time. And honestly I haven't missed it very much. I got kind of tired of the sponsored contact taking over the blogisphere and the increase in shallow posts and decrease in heartfelt connections I was noticing. Then I started a business and it took most of my heart and attention, so I thought about blogging even less. Then it started to even out and I started to feel more like I knew what I was doing and less like I was a clueless pretender.
Lately though I've thought a lot about it. I love to write and while some of the connections found in blog world are superficial and forced, I do have some really wonderful friends I wouldn't know without having been a blogger.
I started to think about maybe writing again. 
Then I signed up for a half marathon and started training.

This is a pretty huge deal for me. As those of you who have read this blog for a long time, before I dropped out of blog world, know, March is my 4 year mark in eating disorder recovery. My body was very unhealthy for a long time, and two years ago I ran a 5k to make a healthy connection with it. Now, I'm running 13.1 miles on May 1st to really prove my body's strength, and my own mental strength to be able to persevere through this.
Let me tell you right now: training as a non-athletic person SUCKS. It's really hard right now and I'm terrified of race day. I've never been good at anything athletic and this feels super strange to be doing. 
Blogging has this really big benefit of keeping you accountable. If you're doing something crazy and you put it out there for the whole world to see, you kind of have to stick to it. So I figured this was the perfect time to make a comeback...at least here and there. Half marathon training is hard. It's overwhelming. It takes everything I've got, mentally, physically, and emotionally to make it through the runs that feel like they'll never end. It would be so easy to quit. But putting myself out there like this gives me one more reason not to. One more reason to stay dedicated. One more reason to push myself every day.
I hope you'll join me on this journey and forgive me for my total absence from blog life. My updates come a lot more frequently on Instagram, so follow me there and keep me motivated. Also, if you have any advice for my crazy self, please share.

through my lens

Over the summer I've participated in online photography classes, and have spent hours and hours and hours taking pictures, editing them, researching lenses, begging people to let me take their pictures, and deciding what I would call my photography endeavor so that when I do take photos I can mark them as mine with something a little better than "Kaitlin Beckwith Photography." Captured by Kaitlin Rose is what stuck for me.
I don't leave the house without my camera anymore. My family has been driven nuts by my constant photography talk. And I've found myself making lists of places to go to with my equipment when I'm not in a hurry if I drive past something cool (for example, there is a very old plantation about 20 minutes away, and in one of the fields just off the road, a lonely chimney rises out of the ground near a few trees, the last remaining element of old slave quarters). 
Last weekend, Drew and I went to the beach for a few days, and instead of showering on Sunday morning like a normal adult I got out my camera and spent around an hour just taking pictures of the marina by which our hotel was located. It was the best morning...except maybe the morning before...we ate at bisQit in Pawleys Island and I could've died right then and there and not had any regrets about my last meal.
Since I haven't really had many words for this space as of late, I figured I'll just give you some visual content instead. Happy viewing!

the comparison game took the joy out of blogging.

Well hey there. It's been months since I've written anything here. I kept making excuses for myself, thinking "well life is just busy right now, I don't have time." And that was sort of true. We moved in kind of a rush, were long distance a few days a week for two months while Drew finished out his job in our old town before starting his new one back in our hometown, and my work schedule was changing and becoming more demanding.
But I'm an early riser. Weekends mean sleeping in for Drew if he's off but getting up early and enjoying a morning of quiet for me. Now he works night shifts and I've got a few hours before bed of just being by myself after I've finished my to-do list for the day.
Yes I've had some health problems show up that knocked my energy levels down pretty darn low for a few weeks. But I write naturally, so energy really wasn't an excuse for not writing.
Here's what it really came down to: I was busy comparing myself to everyone else's success and stage of life and didn't feel like I had anything exciting enough to share and couldn't get over the fact that my life didn't look like I thought it should.
I can't promise I'll be a consistent blogger ever again. I live with OCD and sometimes it really does make it hard to not spiral into comparison on probably a deeper level than people with normal brain chemistry. 
I can promise I'm not going to have sponsorships again. At least not for a long time. And I won't be doing any ad campaigns for any companies. If I'm going to write at all I'm going to write from the heart.
So many posts in blog world these days are promotional. I see new product reviews, posts promoted by other bloggers because they're obligated to because of sponsorships, and superficial writing constantly because numbers and dollars are taking over the blogiverse. Page views, sponsorships, ad campaigns...at some point it stops being genuine. And it stops being exciting or interesting or heartfelt. 
I want to read heartfelt. I want to see the person behind the screen. Is the person behind the screen sometimes really telling their friends about a really great product they just discovered? Absolutely! I do sometimes! But most of my conversations with my friends are about things that happened that we found hilarious or upsetting. They're about what we've been feeling lately. They're about real life.
I don't want to blog if it's just about making a list of how to do this or that or why you should try this new thing I got paid to tell you about. I don't want to share posts that didn't actually make me laugh or inspire me or hit me on a heart level, so why on earth would I ever write those posts? 
I also don't want to blog if it becomes a thing that steals my joy because my life doesn't look like yours, and for some reason I think it's supposed to. For a while it did take my joy. It did leave me wondering what was so wrong with me that I couldn't be ready for the same things someone else was ready for. It made me question whether my life was even worth writing about because it wasn't full of so many new or glamorous or attention getting events as someone else's. 
So I'm not saying I'm fully back or that I'll have a posting schedule or even that I won't someday choose to quit blogging entirely. That's a real possibility someday, maybe even someday soon. 
But once upon a time blogging was fun. It was real. It was enjoyable. It let me write frequently, and I love to write. So I'm semi-returning. When I feel like writing, I'll write. When I feel like sharing, I'll share. But if I feel my joy slipping away in the comparison game or the numbers game or the growth game, I probably will quit. And you know what? That's good. Because anytime something you're doing for fun starts to steal your joy, it's time to leave, at least temporarily.
I'm glad I left for a while. I'm glad I didn't think about numbers. I'm glad I didn't focus on comments or shares or campaigns or anything else I'm seeing take over blogging everywhere. 
Time will tell whether or not I decide to quit blogging for real. For now, though, I'm just going to let myself write when I want about what I want, and not worry for a second about what my blog is "supposed" to look like. Or what my life is "supposed" to look like either.
Comparison game, peace out. Ain't nobody got time for that.

hello again. let's have a coffee date

   Well hi there. It's been a long time. Well over a month, actually. I've missed this place, but being gone for a while has been necessary. This season has been the busiest of our life as the Beckwiths thus far, and I needed simplicity while in the throes of it. Something had to be taken off my plate, so I quietly let blogging and writing fall away for a time.    It's almost over though. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And soon I'll be able to tell you exactly what has kept us so busy. Not today though. Today I'll have to leave out that part of life lately. Today, let's just catch up on where our hearts are.    I was afraid of this busy-ness. I was really quite anxious all the stress would lead to disconnect in our marriage, that it would hurt us, that we would have a really, really hard time. But we really have found a whole new level of connection. Of supporting each other. Of making decisions together and taking risks together. We've grown stronger and closer instead of further apart. And if we were on a real coffee date, I would probably shed a few tears over how much I truly love that man I married over a year ago now, and how grateful I am for him to be my partner in life.    This season has made me so thankful for friendships and more frequent chances to see my closest friends. For a long time I really didn't socialize much at all, and although I'm introverted, it was still hard. And now I'm getting to see my people more. My tribe more. And I'm so thankful that I have those people in my life and that the friendships and love didn't fade over time.    I would probably tell you what the source of the busy has been, but swear you to secrecy until further notice. But don't worry, the secret won't be a secret much longer. And I would tell you how great it feels to finally be seeing the calender clear, the dust settle, and the end of the crazy time is so close I can actually pinpoint when it will finally be here, as opposed to the uncertainty of the last few weeks. Faith and spirituality would probably come up, and I would be really honest and tell you I haven't been feeling it much lately. It's been a dry spell. I'm unmotivated to dive into it, I'm not sure how this happened or when or why, but I've hit a point of just feeling...uninterested. And I would ask you if you've hit this point before, and if you got over it, and how you did. I would also tell you I've decided to take the next few years to get into the best shape I can. I would tell you I'm really afraid of this. I would tell you fitness has never been something I've been good at. I always thought I just couldn't be one of those people. But I've decided to cultivate these habits now so that when we are ready to expand our family I'll be the healthiest I can be, and I'll be able to teach my children the value of their bodies and their health. And I would ask you to help me out, to keep me accountable, and to remind me of these goals.    So what would you tell me if we sat down to catch up over coffee? And do you have any advice for me?

love week: goal setting in marriage

Hi, friend! As you're reading this, my man and I are sailing the seven seas (okay, just one sea) celebrating our first wedding anniversary. In celebration, I wanted to have a few of my favorite ladies write about love and marriage while I'm away! Without further ado, here is my lovely friend, Amberly, from A Prioritized Marriage!
       

It's a new year and with that comes goal setting and self improvement. Every year, I set goals to help me become the best me and the best wife that I can be. (I share my wife related goals as part of my Marriage & Relationship Goals series on the first Monday of each month.) Some of my favorite goals to set however, are the ones that I set with my husband! Setting goals as a couple is just as important as setting goals for yourself and the goals that you set together will help keep your marriage a priority and help you as a couple, work on the areas of your relationship that may not be as strong as some of the others. Whether you set goals together for the new year or as part of your anniversary traditions, these three tips will help set yourselves up for success when you do.

Communicate Openly

When you sit down to set goals together, you both have to be willing to share what is on your mind and be open to the things that your spouse has to say as well. Chances are, you will both have different ideas about what areas of your relationship are lacking and need improvement, but this is not the time to disagree. Discuss and write down all of the potential goals that you can set together and don't say no to any of them too early on in the game.

Start Small

After you've got your list of potential goals put together, break the big goals down into smaller ones so that you're not taking on too much at once. For example, if you decide together that you want to improve your finances and one of the things that you've decided to do is pay off all of your debt, focusing on the big picture can be a little overwhelming, but setting a goal to pay off a small, amount of that debt each month is achievable. If a goal seems too big, find a way to make it happen, one step at a time.

Reevaluate Often

Every month, I look at the Marriage & Relationship Goal that I set the month before and use my successes and failures with that goal to help me set the next month's goal. You can do the same with the goals that you've set as a couple. You can sit down and look at your goals yearly, quarterly or monthly. Decide what's working and what isn't and use that to adjust the goals you have been working on and set new ones. Don't give up on your goals if they aren't working, find a way to make them work!

Have you set goals as a couple this year? What sort of goals did you set?

Amberly

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love week: why being a newlywed isn't the best season of marriage

Hi, friend! As you're reading this, my man and I are sailing the seven seas (okay, just one sea) celebrating our first wedding anniversary. In celebration, I wanted to have a few of my favorite ladies write about love and marriage while I'm away! Without further ado, here is my lovely friend, Madison, from The Wetherills Say I Do!
   
Hi friends! I am so excited to be here sharing with you while Kaitlin is away. She is a dear friend of mine so I was happy to fill in! My name is Madison and I blog over at The Wetherills Say I Do. I've been married to my sweet husband for 2.5 years now and I'm excited to share a little about our marriage with you today!

There was a small part of me that cringed last July when we passed right over our two year anniversary. I cringe a lot when it comes to time because it constantly blows my mind how fast it goes by. But as we crossed over into our third year, I was a little sad. Now that we are on our third year of marriage, there's no book that would refer to us as newlyweds. The newlywed phase is highly revered by people in all seasons, so it's no surprise that it feels a little weird to move out of that phase and into another that is rarely raved about.

Now that I'm six months past my exit from the newlywed phase, I can see that I love this phase possibly even more than the last. The newlywed phase is scary and exhilarating, and in a lot of ways it's like an extension of dating. There's lots of unknowns, trials and errors, and tons of fun.

What I love about being outside of the "newlywed phase" is simple: we are settled. We know each other better than we ever have. We are in a routine. It's not boring by any means, but there isn't a lot of that painful guessing anymore. Sure, my husband still surprises me every once in a while- not with gifts necessarily, but also in the way he acts or things that he says. When you're a newlywed, sometimes it's expected that your husband brings home flowers or that you spend all of your Saturday in bed, but it's almost like people don't expect any of those little things when you're out of that first year or two of marriage. And that makes it even more special to me.

I don't expect flowers to magically appear, so when I walk in from work and see a bouquet and my favorite candy sitting on the table, it gives me those new relationship kind of butterflies again. I don't expect breakfast in bed, so when my husband whips up French Toast and coffee on a Saturday morning, it definitely takes me by surprise.

I love knowing who we are, now that we are in our third year or marriage and fifth year together. I love knowing our routines and having a different set of expectations for our relationship than I did when we were newlyweds.

If you're a newlywed, you've been married for a few years or ten, know that God has something so exciting for you and your spouse in this current season of marriage. Don't be sad that you're no longer newlyweds, instead celebrate your accomplishments of having a successful marriage for however long you've been together. Celebrate the fact that you get to make each other feel like you're just getting to know each other again by surprising each other with a gift or dinner reservations. Celebrate the little things, just like you did when you were a newlywed.

Being a newlywed isn't the best season of marriage because every season of marriage is special and should be as highly revered as the newlywed phase.

How have you learned to savor your current season of marriage?

love week: comparison in marriage

Hi, friend! As you're reading this, my man and I are sailing the seven seas (okay, just one sea) celebrating our first wedding anniversary. In celebration, I wanted to have a few of my favorite ladies write about love and marriage while I'm away! Without further ado, here is my lovely friend, Cassie, from Sage!

Hello there Sew My Soul readers! I am so happy to be with you all today while Kaitlin is off celebrating her one year anniversary! My name is Cassie and I blog at Sage. I'm a newlywed and west coaster recently transplanted to the Midwest. My blog reflects my passion for marriage and my faith, and includes a little of the in between as well. I'm honored to be here today and I hope you'll stop by sometime to visit me at my blog!

  

The comparison game is dangerous. Us females know that all too well. My phrase, if you will, for 2014 was the classic quote from Teddy Roosevelt: "Comparison is the thief of joy." Although this sounds stereotypical, it really is true. Comparing ourselves with others really is a recipe for disaster.

When we first got married, I had many expectations for what a godly marriage should look like. I had preconceived notions of what it meant for my husband to lead me, how our prayer life would look, and how we would make Jesus the center of our home. And guess what? I spent the first few months of our marriage feeling like we were doing it wrong. Like we were failing. But were we really failing? The answer is absolutely not. We just weren't exactly meeting the expectations I had put upon us.

Where did those expectations come from? Comparison. Comparison with other women and their marriages. Comparison with media. Comparison ALL AROUND. Comparing your marriage to others is toxic, and I know that first hand.

In the blog world, we see perfectly staged instagram photos of women laying in bed with their husbands on Saturday morning, Starbucks in hand. We see professional photographs of women cooking in their kitchens with their husbands for those not so original "home shoots." We see perfectly tidy kitchen tables where women sit and read their bible, pray over their marriages, and journal about how perfect their husband is.

What we forget, however, is that we don't see the other parts of marriage. We don't see videos of the fights over the laundry. We don't see the pile of dishes in the sink waiting to be washed. We don't see unmade beds and dusty bibles. Because that wouldn't portray our marriage well to the outside world, would it?



Comparing your marriage to someone else's is guaranteed to rob you of your joy and leave you feeling down. No one's marriage looks the same, and that's perfectly alright. Sure, it's great to look up to women with healthy, biblical relationships, but it's also important to not let that go too far.

My husband might not like to lay in bed with me all Saturday morning so that we can stage the perfect instagram photo, but he sure likes to beat me out of bed and make coffee and pancakes. Our kitchen might not always be photo ready, but it's sure full of a lot of good food and fun. I might not always clean off my kitchen table, pray like I should over my marriage, or journal about how perfect my husband is, but I sure as hell make sure to spend quality time with my husband every night, even if only for an hour. And our prayer life might look different then yours, but we pray and that's what matters.

Although my marriage might not look like that of other women, I am content with that. I'm learning a marriage doesn't have to look a certain way to be happy, healthy, and focused on Jesus. We all do things a little differently, and that's what makes marriage fun.

As we enter into 2015, I challenge you to examine what areas of your marriage you might be comparing to another marriage. If it's a healthy comparison, I pray that you would strive to better your relationship in that way. If it's not a healthy comparison, I pray that you would break free of the chains that holding you from embracing the marriage that God designed for YOU and realize that it doesn't have to look like anyone else's to be perfect for you.

Let's Connect!

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new year, same me

I've never understood the expression, "New year, new me!" The clock striking midnight in the real world doesn't change you. Besides, even in fairy tales, the change at midnight took the girl to something she didn't want to be. 
On January 1st, you are you. The same you you were before the year began, the same one who woke up on December 31st and each day before that. There's nothing magical about a new year that suddenly transforms you into someone with different struggles, a better personality, a better life.
All of that...it's not a bad thing. It's not disappointing and doesn't need to be disheartening.
It's good. It's beautiful. You're already enough! You don't need a new year to change into something more. You don't need to be more! You don't need to be less, either.
Goals are great. Knowing things you want to do, tangible accomplishments, like save $2,000 in three months, or work hard to earn a promotion within 6 months, or develop healthy habits by reducing intake of junk food and sticking to a workout schedule, those are good things.
But you don't need to wait for the first of the year for that. Today is the same as yesterday, except for the number I'll write at the end of the date.
I'm still Kaitie. I'm still the woman who loves to laugh, who loves reading Tolstoy, Whitman, and Flannery O'Connor just as much as she loves Will Ferrell movies. I still hate pedicures or anything that involves my legs being touched below the knee. I still don't like going to gyms and much prefer a yoga studio or a hike to a gorgeous overlook or waterfall. I still think bread is the best food group.
I'm the same person I was yesterday, the same beautiful soul, deeply loved by the creator of the universe. And you are too.
I have goals for this year, like spending less time thinking about the next step in life and wishing it to be here sooner, and learn to love my husband better every day. But I'm not resolving to be anyone else. I'm not going to try to become someone else, someone who likes different things or looks completely different on the outside or the inside.
And I want to encourage you to do the same thing. Have goals that run throughout the year. Set new ones often. Reevaluate your priorities and examine your heart frequently.
But stop striving. Stop this relentless focus on the new year and saying it's going to make you new, too. It won't. You're still you. The same beautiful, wonderful, deeply loved and valued you you were last year. Don't try to change that.
Embrace yourself today. Embrace who you are. Be yourself and be joyful in it. 
I will never set New Years resolutions. I'm never going to take the start of a new period of time as an opportunity to change into something totally different. 
Because I'm good enough. I'm exactly who I was designed to be. I have struggles and faults I need to work on, just like anyone else. I'm not a perfect person. I never will be. But I was designed with perfect intention and I won't let the world make me forget it.
You were designed with perfect intention. Don't let the world make you forget it.
Go into this year with one big resolution: Don't resolve to be anyone or anything besides yourself. You've been created with perfect intention and design, and who you are today is just as beautiful as who you were yesterday.
Happy new year, beautiful. I hope it is just as wonderful as you deserve, and I hope you find contentment in it.

community brew || on generosity

   This week I'm thrilled to be cohosting Community Brew with my lovely blog and real life friends Madison and Rachel! Once a month they host a linkup discussing life. Today we're talking about generosity. Some things to consider in your post: Romans 15:1 Proverbs 11:24-25 What does generosity mean to you during the holiday season? Why and how are we called to be generous as believers? How is generosity a theme in your life?    The last 72 hours have been rough around here. I was feeling down Sunday & Monday because God's plans don't always match up with what I want right. this. minute. And yesterday I got the migraine from hell. I was fine, then fifteen minutes later I was vomiting from pain.    In that time, my brain was focused on me, me, me. Mostly, being frustrated by what was happening to me, me, me.     I lost perspective.     It's so easy, isn't it? When we're in the middle of sadness or sickness, it's so easy to forget gratitude. It's so easy to forget goodness. It's so easy to forget the blessing we have of being able to give to others.    Generosity is a word we throw around a lot, especially this time of year. We call this the "season of giving" and while I think it's great that this time of year inspires giving, I don't agree with that sentiment.    Why do we have just one season of giving? Why is this the time to be generous?
See, as Christians, we're called to live generous lives. We're called to sacrifice ourselves for others. We are called to be in an attitude of giving all our lives.    Yet all the year long, this is easy to neglect. Then, at Christmas, we wake up. We remember our great gift in Christ. We remember how much we have and are inspired to share with others. It's Christmas! It's the time for giving!
Generosity doesn't have a time. It doesn't have a season. Generosity is constant. It's in the attitude you carry when you wake up every morning. How can I help someone else today? How can I be of service today? What do I have that someone else needs more than I do? 
I want to live in generosity. I don't want to celebrate just one season. I want my heart to always be desiring to give.    Yes, I love to give at Christmas. There are tons of presents under my tree and more still being made. I love seeing the smiles on the faces of the ones I love when they open a package and see something picked out just for them.    I just don't want to focus on making those smiles happen once a year, during the "season of giving."    Your whole life is a season in time. Make it the season of generosity.   

An InLinkz Link-up

in which i brag about my husband

Once upon a time I didn't believe in marriage so I broke up with a boy I loved who loved me back.
And now that boy is a man and I call him husband.
Let me just talk about him for a minute. Okay, an entire post.
He works full time and often piles on overtime too. While he's not working, he's usually studying hard  and working towards his master's degree in Nursing. He's incredible. He also cleans the house when I'm away for a few days even if it is finals week, takes me out on fun dates, and ensures our life together is full of laughter and joy.
The last two semesters have been intense. He's been working so much, and adjusting to having a wife. Plus he moved. Twice.
And yet, he still made all A's this semester, all while working to pay for our basics and our fun, saving for our future, getting ready for a great Christmas, and going on vacation for our anniversary.
His classes are hard. No. Hard is the wrong word. They're ridiculous. Medical degrees are some of the toughest to earn. Every piece of information he ever learns absolutely must stay in his head because he never knows when a patient's life may depend on that one thing they covered one day in half a lecture. He can never really "just get by" in school. He has to be all in, all the time.
And he is. Always. He's all in at work with his current patients. He's all in at school giving it his best. He's all in in our marriage.
My husband is an all in kind of guy. If he's going to commit to something, he's doing it with everything in him. He doesn't do halfhearted. He doesn't do minimal effort. He gives all of himself all the time. Good isn't enough. His best is all that will do, and even then he wants to make his best even better. 
And he picked me. Out of every girl that ever existed in all the world, somehow I'm the one he chose. I get to cheer him on in all he does. I get to be cheered on by him in all I do. I get his hugs (which by the way are the greatest hugs in the world).  I get to hear him be shocked by his grades. I get to celebrate the successes, big and small, with him. I get to spoil the heck out of him at Christmas because he has earned it and so much more.
I get to be his wife. He's the most incredible man I know. And I'll never tire of celebrating life with him and being part of all of his successes.

one lovely blog award + seven things you probably don't know about me

My gorgeous on the inside and out friend Cassie over at Sage nominated me for the One Lovely Blog award a couple of weeks ago (and I'm late on the post about it because I was on a 4 day trip for work last week that completely overloaded my brain) and I'm so honored. Hearing that people value work that comes from your soul is so humbling and beautiful.    One of the rules of the award is that in your post about it you must tell seven things about yourself that others probably don't know. SO let's embarrass me on the internet for all to see, shall we?    1 | I used to be an exhibiting artist on Gallery Row in Charleston, SC as a freshman art major, which was a pretty big accomplishment. I specialized in charcoal and oil painting, and my primary subject matter was the human form. I kind of took a hiatus from creating for a long time because I went into arts management and used my creative energy to help other artists learn to be successful in promoting and selling their work. I've got a canvas in my home office right now just waiting for some paint and I think I know what it wants to be now.    2 | I'm 100% convinced God had a moment of sheer insanity when he created feet. They're the absolute worst. Don't ever touch my feet. I will kick you. I once broke the nose of a woman giving me my first ever pedicure...someone (I don't remember who, it happened in Canada) convinced me it would be great and feel amazing and be the exception to my foot rule. NOPE.    3 | I currently have one tattoo (you probably do know that if you're a regular reader) but I have plans for several more. All future ink has to be Husband Approved since he's the one who looks at me and I still want him to think I'm super hot forever. The ones in the "queue" are all approved, and now it's just a matter of saving a little at a time. Ink is expensive.     4 | I'm extremely susceptible to a terrible affliction called The Giggles. Just one little stupid joke can set me off for ten minutes. Not exaggerating. This joke sent me into a severe asthma attack from hysterical laughter: What does coral get stressed about? CURRENT EVENTS!!! I just think it's hilarious because I picture a little cartoon coral reading the newspaper about a change in current and having a full on panic attack. It's so funny.    

5 | I have 153 books in my possession. Which I just found out because I'm supposed to send Madison one book but I can't pick just one and so to distract myself from actually making a decision I counted my books.    6 | I can also memorize what I read very easily. It's not quite an eidetic memory (photographic is a misnomer) but it is very close. I remember every book I've ever read, and still remember most of what I learned in college and can tell you the exact final price of an estimate I very briefly looked at with my dad last Wednesday. $4,932.10. My family says that watching me recall information looks like there's a little Rolodex in my brain I'm flipping through, which is actually pretty close to what's happening in my head. Sometimes I don't realize I'm giving a full on encyclopedia entry about something simple until I'm halfway through it which can be kind of embarrassing if I do it in front of people who aren't expecting it because they don't know me.      7 | I don't leave my house in sweatpants unless I'm doing something that requires being sweaty. Never. I don't understand it. Productivity in what are basically pajamas that make you feel like you can be athletic is just not the same. It actually annoyed me to no end when other people would show up to class like that in college. Put on real clothes. Then put your hair in a ponytail if you're tired. It takes the exact same amount of effort to show those who keep your university running that you are thankful for their work and that you value your time there and the knowledge you're gaining. I also don't work in my pajamas even though I work from home. Same reason. Respect for my job and myself, and an extra boost to my productivity. Even before I became a Christian and was partying pretty hard, no matter what degree hungover I was I still didn't wear sweats to class. It still bothers me that people do this!     Now I'm charged with the very difficult task of nominating 7 others! I love so many blogs and there are too many excellent ones to choose from. Alas, I must choose.

1. Madison, Wetherills Say I Do
2. Rachel, Rachel Rewritten
3. Jenna, Dearest Love
4. Amy, Taking Steps Home
5. Nina, Flowers In My Hair
6. Faith, Life with Mrs G & The Artist
7. Caroline, In Due Time

I wish I could nominate Cassie back but I don't think it works that way. These are just a few of my favorites in blog world. Go read for hours and get nothing done! Actually don't listen to that last bit. It's terrible advice. Read for hours when you don't have things to get done. Be responsible and then read these ladies for forever because I love them!

coffee date (a few days late)

On Friday my friend Jenna over at Dearest Love hosted a coffee date. And I intended to join but I was busy loving time with my family after hosting my first Thanksgiving (which if you follow me on Instagram you saw), buying our first Christmas tree, and...

FINALLY buying my camera!! I actually cried in Best Buy when I realized it was happening and all the way through checkout, and then couldn't really speak for at least an hour. And then I spent hours and hours with it all weekend long. Here's a few sample shots from me playing around.
So, without further ado, on to the coffee date, If we were having coffee, it would be at my house, with lattes and cappuccinos I made for us in my dining room with the espresso maker and milk steamer we were able to buy thanks to a very late wedding gift card from distant relatives. I would tell you how I worked in a small town coffee shop through high school, and that ever since my first day on the job there I've dreamed of my own latte station in my home.
I would probably take a hundred pictures because I've dreamed about having this camera for years and have been saving for quite some time.
I would tell you how thankful I am for my life right now and for all the amazing people in it who love me, and who I get the pleasure of loving in return. I would tell you how wonderful it was to have my family in my home for Thanksgiving. How much fun we had cooking and laughing together. How much joy filled my house as we ate and sipped wine and talked late into the night.
Those things were the highs of my November. The best moments, the happiest memories. Decorating for Christmas with my husband. Delighting in small dreams come true. Being with the people who bring out the most of me.
And, as it always does on coffee dates, the conversation would eventually meander towards the lows of the last month. I would have to be honest and say I had to make a decision about this blog.
No I'm not leaving.
Here's the thing: My new job has been such an amazing blessing. And while working from home is exactly right for me, it is significantly more demanding of my brainpower and energy. I don't have the time or drive left over to promote like I did when I was working part time. I know there are plenty of bloggers who work full time and still promote like crazy and do it all well, but I have a "full focus" brain and that just isn't who I am.
When I sat down with all of this information in my head, I came to a decision I knew was right but I didn't want to say, Alas, I must.
As of today, December 1st, I will no longer be accepting new sponsors. All who purchased slots already and have been approved will still be displayed on the sidebar during the time you were scheduled. I will do my best to promote you as often as possible, but it may not be to the same extent I was once able to do for my sponsors.
To those sponsors who have been negatively impacted by my distraction and lack of promotion, I am so sorry. I kept thinking "Next week will be slower and I can schedule some more tweets," and then suddenly next week was over and I had no idea what happened. And then just as suddenly November was over and it was December and I had never gotten those tweets out or promotions set or spotlights up. If you would like a refund, please email me and I will work with Passionfruit to get your money back to you as soon as possible. 
What I will do instead is a simple button swap. I won't promise a certain number of promotions or shoutouts but I will share occasionally. I will also be happy to accept or exchange guest posts.
Again, this was not a decision made lightly but I know it's what's right for me, Sew My Soul, and potential sponsors. Your money should go to someone who can promote you well, and I'm not that person right now. 
If we were on a coffee date, I'd feel a lot better having that off my chest. In fact, I already do.
And if we were on a coffee date, it would be your turn to tell me about life lately. So go ahead, tell me. What have been your highs and lows?

keeping positive body image during the season of plenty

   Sunday super early in the morning I woke up to do all my grocery shopping for Thanksgiving (I hate crowds so I picked a time when no one else would want to go.) My fridge and cabinets are full of supplies for Thursday's big feast. Three pies are ready to be made. Two types of potatoes. Two turkeys. Two types of stuffing. Two appetizers. One green vegetable. Cranberry jelly. Wine. Sparkling cider. Cappuccinos. Lattes.    There was a time not that long ago when that list would have me terrified. Last week, I got pretty real and admitted that I had a seven year struggle with eating disorders that hit its lowest point just three years ago. So yeah. These holiday dinners used to be my nightmare.    But...Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been my two favorite days of the year. I love being with family. I love preparing to serve them. I love decorating my home.    And you know what? I love the food. And on Thursday, I won't be letting myself think about the calories or the fat content or whether or not my jeans will fit me tomorrow.    And you shouldn't either.    The holidays are meant to be a time of joy. A time of celebration, of laughter, of family, of friends. A time to indulge in life. Not about strategically eating meals so that you don't consume too many calories or "bad" foods.    So, over the last three years of recovery (because let's be really honest...recovery is a lifelong process and you're never 100% past the voices of anorexia and bulimia), I've developed some tools to help myself enjoy life, including seasons of plenty and indulgence. And I know there are many many women out there who have deep struggles with body image and for whom this time of year might be very difficult, so I'm sharing my strategies with you.    1 || Put away the scale. At least until the new year. Just don't look at the numbers. Numbers can taunt you. Yes, they might be good motivators if you're on a fitness journey. However, this is the season of baking, living around the table with those you love, and enjoying slowing down. So don't get on the scale, don't worry about your weight. If you realize some of your clothes are a little tight, maybe get a little more active. But don't think about how many pounds you gained at Thanksgiving or Christmas.    2 || Practice gratitude for your body. Look at yourself in the mirror and recognize the value of each and every inch of it. Your arms you think are a little too soft? They give amazing hugs to let people know they're loved, and you can't undervalue that. The belly you think isn't as flat as it should be? It gives deep resounding laughter in the making of memories. The thighs you think should be gapped standing still? They let you walk up to the door of a friend's house and deliver a package to show them you care. Your body is beautiful.
3 || Remember this: Size is not a valid compliment or insult. Why do we look at someone's size and define them by their body's mass? It's absurd. A body houses a soul. It is a vessel in which a person lives. You are not defined by your vessel. Your size has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. So when someone tells you you look thin, say thanks, be polite, but don't take it in. And don't tell someone else they look thin either. Because size isn't what makes someone beautiful. Instead, tell your best friend she has the greatest laugh in the whole world. Tell your sister you absolutely love how she shows gratitude every day. Tell your mom she always knows how to make people feel welcome in her life. Those are the real compliments. Those are the ones that matter.    This is not an exhaustive list by any means. There are a million little tools I've picked up over the last three years to help me not get down on myself. These, though, these are my favorites. These are my fallbacks when I'm having a hard day. These are the three that I turn to when I start to wonder if I should really eat that snack.
And these are the three I want to share with the world. Because I truly believe if we all looked at ourselves through these lenses, we would all be happier.
What do you do to feel beautiful during seasons of plenty?

link your ink // the swallow's broken chains

Cassie and I are SO excited to be sharing this linkup with you today. We both love tattoos, how they tell pieces of the whole story of a person. The permanence of the artwork that embeds itself into someone's skin.
I do think there are some tattoos that are reckless and not exactly art or story telling.
My ink, though...mine is deep. And it's a big part of a story.

Digital representation of my ink. It's on my lower hip...not exactly a location a photo needs to be taken of.

I got this tattoo exactly three years ago tomorrow, two days after my 21st birthday. And I was in a deep dark point in my life. This tattoo, once meant to give me permission to run from deep pain, is now a symbol of redemption.
I wrote on Cassie's blog a while back about sex in marriage and I noted that I didn't wait until my wedding night to have sex. At the time of this tattoo, I subscribed to the belief that "it's my body, I'll do what I want, with who I want, and it doesn't matter." 
I had an extremely traumatic experience when I was a freshman in college that led to this belief forming. I don't plan to go into detail on that experience on this blog. At least not now, possibly not ever. Suffice it to say, it really messed me up for a really long time. And I was already a little messed up.
I've also briefly noted that I struggled with body image in the past. When I got this tattoo, that struggle was plummeting fast to what would be its lowest point in my life.
Two months after getting this ink, I would drop 17 pounds in one month, but that still wouldn't be enough.
Five months after getting this tattoo, my parents rallied around me and got me the help I needed to face my pain, learn to enjoy food rather than see it as the enemy, and ultimately brought me into the friendship that would result in me meeting Jesus.
 The swallow was meant to symbolize me flying away from pain, away from the things that haunted me, and away from having to face it and what it had done to me. I wanted to be free of the rules, free of restriction, free of hurt, and free of the broken girl I had become.
Then, grace happened. Jesus came. Jesus took over. Recovery started. 
Recovery from eating disorders (there, I've said the words. Someday I might write more about them but for now just saying the words here is brave enough) is no joke. To be perfectly blunt, it totally sucks. Recovery from trauma...sucks doesn't even begin to cover it. 
But after months and months and MONTHS of work, meeting friends who showed me Jesus, who knew the absolute worst things I had ever done (and there were some really bad things) and who loved me anyway, focusing on healing broken relationships with my parents, and embracing the process of moving forward, I finally learned what freedom feels like.
The swallow in my tattoo was drawn by me, and was traced by the artist onto the template he would use to ink me. The wording "live free" is in my handwriting. This ink of mine...it's 100% my art. Someone else just put it there permanently.
Proverbs 26:2 Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying, So a curse without cause does not alight.
My swallow now represents my past not being a curse to me anymore. It represents grace taking over, Jesus protecting me, and allowing me to fly free of the chains of pain that once bound me.
Romans 8:1-2 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 
The words once written in anger, pain and denial now mean that I am no longer bound by who I was. I am no longer captive to my pain or my demons.  I am free in Christ. 
My ink is a visual representation of the deepest memories of my soul. The darkest, the most beautiful, and the dark turned to light. My story is held in the lines on my skin. My pain and my redemption both represented forever.
Some say "what if your tattoos stretch as you age? What if it doesn't look like it did when you got it?" I say...to me, it already looks different. It's more beautiful now than it ever was before. I dare say, it will only get more beautiful with time, as my story plays out in years to come.
This is my ink. This is my story. This is the love of the Lord written on my skin.
And now, I invite you to join together with us and link your ink and your story too.

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community brew // on birthdays and seasons

I don't know about you, but birthdays always seem to me like something should be happening in the upcoming year. Something monumental should accompany such a thing as becoming a year older.
Well, today is my birthday, and I have some really great things planned to celebrate, but there really isn't anything huge happening this year. I already got married, we're still a few years away from trying to start a family, we aren't buying a house (although we are most likely moving back to the part of the state we're from sometime in the spring). 
This season is odd for me knowing that it won't be one with a major milestone. I've spent a lot of life looking for that big thing coming. Some big accomplishment waiting to happen, or a big change to mark of my list.
24 isn't coming with a big thing. It's just...here. 
Don't get me wrong--I am so excited about my birthday celebrations, tonight with my husband who I think is just the greatest man ever, and then with him and my family Saturday, who I consider my best friends. Celebrating with my people is the best part about a birthday.
This year just doesn't really feel different. This season doesn't really feel like things are changing. And somehow, that seems weird. I've had something big changing every year since I was 15. Turning 16 and driving, moving to a new school, going to a dream program at an art school over the summer when I was 17, graduating and going to college at 18, getting my work in an art gallery at 19, transferring schools at 20, turning 21 and ordering a glass of wine (well, at that time it was more than a little wine, but that's a different tale for a different day), turning 22 and graduating college and starting life as an adult, unexpectedly falling in love, getting engaged, turning 23 and getting married.
So now, I'm 24. And I'm in a season without major change. It's unsettling. But it's also good. 
I think God is going to use this season to really teach me to be happy with what I have and where I'm at, and to not always be thinking about the next big thing. I think 24 will be a year of learning that it's okay to not be expecting something new. That it's okay to be happy as I am right this minute. That what the world says about striving, about needing more, about chasing something...it's not true. I don't have to do that to be happy.
Right now, I have my husband, my dogs, amazing friends, my family...I have such a good life right here at this very moment without changing a single thing. And that's good. That's great! I have more than I need today. I have more than enough. So I don't need to worry about getting more.
I'm good.

Get it? Ice Ice Baby. Cassie is the inspiration behind this funny.

Except my broken nose...which is also another story for another day. Long story short, a teaser if you will: my husband is much larger than me, we are both extraordinarily accident prone and uncoordinated, and sometimes a hug can go terribly, horribly wrong when you combine all those things. And then you tell the doctor you hit it on the counter making cookies because you dropped chocolate in front of your dogs, because it was seriously an innocent freak accident and nobody needs to call the cops.
What season are you sitting in right now?