Today I'm linking up with one of my very favorite regular reads, Amber from Mr. Thomas and Me, and her cohost Kate from The Florkens, for their series Doubt and Devotion.
Doubt. It's such a heavy thing. Doubt keeps us away from what we love, from adventure, from starting something new. Doubt can paralyze us so much that we don't even pursue our callings.
One of my biggest recent doubts has been changing this blog. Moving forward in this way, sharing my faith so publicly and deeply, sharing my heart with strangers worldwide, writing and making myself vulnerable for all the nations to see. I was overwhelmed. Yet I knew I must. I was convicted that this blog, this space, these words, are to be my ministry. God kept nudging me repeatedly, giving me fire and passion inside to write here, and yet, I was so afraid.
So I turned to Esther. Esther is one of my favorite women in the Bible. She is lovely, humble, and yet oh so bold. She is fiercely rooted in her convictions and faith, devoted to the Lord with every ounce of her being. And yet, she is unequally yoked, married to a very very powerful king, one who had previously banished a wife for refusing to obey him.
When the King is convinced by a terrible adviser to put the Jews to death, for they feared the Lord more than they feared their King, and would surely be mutinous as a result, Esther must make a choice. She must choose to either stand by and allow her people to be killed, or she must take on the armor of her faith and stand up to the king, knowing he may very well choose to kill her for her impertinence.
Surely Esther had doubt. Surely her heart was full of dread at the thought of standing up to her husband. Surely she had moments in which she questioned whether God was with her. Surely she wanted to do anything but be bold in her faith.
But Esther was not paralyzed by her doubt. Esther was not silent. Esther was bold, and did as the Lord required of her, and faced her husband with her faith and the armor of her Lord.
Do you know what happened next?
Her husband listened. And he renounced his plans to kill the Jews, and gave them the freedom to love and obey their God. He adored his wife, that brave, bold woman who did the unthinkable and stood up to him despite the overwhelming doubt. Esther had faced her calling, faced the fear and hesitation, and was rewarded for it.
It's the same for us, friends. We are Esther, protected by the armor of God, and despite our doubts about the future, as long as we faithfully pursue our calling even in the midst of doubt and darkness, He will carry us.
My prayer today is that I would seek my calling diligently, that I would live boldly, and that I would persevere even when my heart is so full of fear I can hardly breathe. My prayer is that I would take Esther's example to heart, and that my doubts would never be larger than my love of the Lord and my trust in His faithfulness.
I pray that all of you would fight against your fears and doubts and live boldly and faithfully.
So, my sweet friends, what has you doubtful today? How to do move forward when fear paralyzes your heart?
