hello again. let's have a coffee date

   Well hi there. It's been a long time. Well over a month, actually. I've missed this place, but being gone for a while has been necessary. This season has been the busiest of our life as the Beckwiths thus far, and I needed simplicity while in the throes of it. Something had to be taken off my plate, so I quietly let blogging and writing fall away for a time.    It's almost over though. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And soon I'll be able to tell you exactly what has kept us so busy. Not today though. Today I'll have to leave out that part of life lately. Today, let's just catch up on where our hearts are.    I was afraid of this busy-ness. I was really quite anxious all the stress would lead to disconnect in our marriage, that it would hurt us, that we would have a really, really hard time. But we really have found a whole new level of connection. Of supporting each other. Of making decisions together and taking risks together. We've grown stronger and closer instead of further apart. And if we were on a real coffee date, I would probably shed a few tears over how much I truly love that man I married over a year ago now, and how grateful I am for him to be my partner in life.    This season has made me so thankful for friendships and more frequent chances to see my closest friends. For a long time I really didn't socialize much at all, and although I'm introverted, it was still hard. And now I'm getting to see my people more. My tribe more. And I'm so thankful that I have those people in my life and that the friendships and love didn't fade over time.    I would probably tell you what the source of the busy has been, but swear you to secrecy until further notice. But don't worry, the secret won't be a secret much longer. And I would tell you how great it feels to finally be seeing the calender clear, the dust settle, and the end of the crazy time is so close I can actually pinpoint when it will finally be here, as opposed to the uncertainty of the last few weeks. Faith and spirituality would probably come up, and I would be really honest and tell you I haven't been feeling it much lately. It's been a dry spell. I'm unmotivated to dive into it, I'm not sure how this happened or when or why, but I've hit a point of just feeling...uninterested. And I would ask you if you've hit this point before, and if you got over it, and how you did. I would also tell you I've decided to take the next few years to get into the best shape I can. I would tell you I'm really afraid of this. I would tell you fitness has never been something I've been good at. I always thought I just couldn't be one of those people. But I've decided to cultivate these habits now so that when we are ready to expand our family I'll be the healthiest I can be, and I'll be able to teach my children the value of their bodies and their health. And I would ask you to help me out, to keep me accountable, and to remind me of these goals.    So what would you tell me if we sat down to catch up over coffee? And do you have any advice for me?

love week: goal setting in marriage

Hi, friend! As you're reading this, my man and I are sailing the seven seas (okay, just one sea) celebrating our first wedding anniversary. In celebration, I wanted to have a few of my favorite ladies write about love and marriage while I'm away! Without further ado, here is my lovely friend, Amberly, from A Prioritized Marriage!
       

It's a new year and with that comes goal setting and self improvement. Every year, I set goals to help me become the best me and the best wife that I can be. (I share my wife related goals as part of my Marriage & Relationship Goals series on the first Monday of each month.) Some of my favorite goals to set however, are the ones that I set with my husband! Setting goals as a couple is just as important as setting goals for yourself and the goals that you set together will help keep your marriage a priority and help you as a couple, work on the areas of your relationship that may not be as strong as some of the others. Whether you set goals together for the new year or as part of your anniversary traditions, these three tips will help set yourselves up for success when you do.

Communicate Openly

When you sit down to set goals together, you both have to be willing to share what is on your mind and be open to the things that your spouse has to say as well. Chances are, you will both have different ideas about what areas of your relationship are lacking and need improvement, but this is not the time to disagree. Discuss and write down all of the potential goals that you can set together and don't say no to any of them too early on in the game.

Start Small

After you've got your list of potential goals put together, break the big goals down into smaller ones so that you're not taking on too much at once. For example, if you decide together that you want to improve your finances and one of the things that you've decided to do is pay off all of your debt, focusing on the big picture can be a little overwhelming, but setting a goal to pay off a small, amount of that debt each month is achievable. If a goal seems too big, find a way to make it happen, one step at a time.

Reevaluate Often

Every month, I look at the Marriage & Relationship Goal that I set the month before and use my successes and failures with that goal to help me set the next month's goal. You can do the same with the goals that you've set as a couple. You can sit down and look at your goals yearly, quarterly or monthly. Decide what's working and what isn't and use that to adjust the goals you have been working on and set new ones. Don't give up on your goals if they aren't working, find a way to make them work!

Have you set goals as a couple this year? What sort of goals did you set?

Amberly

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love week: why being a newlywed isn't the best season of marriage

Hi, friend! As you're reading this, my man and I are sailing the seven seas (okay, just one sea) celebrating our first wedding anniversary. In celebration, I wanted to have a few of my favorite ladies write about love and marriage while I'm away! Without further ado, here is my lovely friend, Madison, from The Wetherills Say I Do!
   
Hi friends! I am so excited to be here sharing with you while Kaitlin is away. She is a dear friend of mine so I was happy to fill in! My name is Madison and I blog over at The Wetherills Say I Do. I've been married to my sweet husband for 2.5 years now and I'm excited to share a little about our marriage with you today!

There was a small part of me that cringed last July when we passed right over our two year anniversary. I cringe a lot when it comes to time because it constantly blows my mind how fast it goes by. But as we crossed over into our third year, I was a little sad. Now that we are on our third year of marriage, there's no book that would refer to us as newlyweds. The newlywed phase is highly revered by people in all seasons, so it's no surprise that it feels a little weird to move out of that phase and into another that is rarely raved about.

Now that I'm six months past my exit from the newlywed phase, I can see that I love this phase possibly even more than the last. The newlywed phase is scary and exhilarating, and in a lot of ways it's like an extension of dating. There's lots of unknowns, trials and errors, and tons of fun.

What I love about being outside of the "newlywed phase" is simple: we are settled. We know each other better than we ever have. We are in a routine. It's not boring by any means, but there isn't a lot of that painful guessing anymore. Sure, my husband still surprises me every once in a while- not with gifts necessarily, but also in the way he acts or things that he says. When you're a newlywed, sometimes it's expected that your husband brings home flowers or that you spend all of your Saturday in bed, but it's almost like people don't expect any of those little things when you're out of that first year or two of marriage. And that makes it even more special to me.

I don't expect flowers to magically appear, so when I walk in from work and see a bouquet and my favorite candy sitting on the table, it gives me those new relationship kind of butterflies again. I don't expect breakfast in bed, so when my husband whips up French Toast and coffee on a Saturday morning, it definitely takes me by surprise.

I love knowing who we are, now that we are in our third year or marriage and fifth year together. I love knowing our routines and having a different set of expectations for our relationship than I did when we were newlyweds.

If you're a newlywed, you've been married for a few years or ten, know that God has something so exciting for you and your spouse in this current season of marriage. Don't be sad that you're no longer newlyweds, instead celebrate your accomplishments of having a successful marriage for however long you've been together. Celebrate the fact that you get to make each other feel like you're just getting to know each other again by surprising each other with a gift or dinner reservations. Celebrate the little things, just like you did when you were a newlywed.

Being a newlywed isn't the best season of marriage because every season of marriage is special and should be as highly revered as the newlywed phase.

How have you learned to savor your current season of marriage?