on being brought to wonder

There are times in life for all of us, I think, that we need to be reminded of what it means to wonder at something. To marvel at the world, at its pure beauty. There are times we need to see tangible reminders of God's divine presence.

And then there are times when we need to revisit the moments that restored us to wonder. Times when you've felt something in your heart shift, something crack a little, and anger leaks out a little. Anger at the unfairness of life, at people who are receiving gifts you so dearly long for but they don't appreciate at all. Anger at God for not making the world right as you would see it. Anger that you don't see why your idea of rightness isn't in line with what He is doing around you. 

And when that anger seeps out, it is time to seek wonder actively. It is time to look once again for beauty, for reminders that He is who He says He is. It is time to choose faith. Not just say faith, not just speak aloud words expressing trust in Him. It is time to actually make those words true.

When I am in that place, the place of not understanding why, of begging him to show me what the plan is, of crying in frustration for not knowing everything I feel I should, I seek wonder in nature. Grace hides in the millions of grains of sand on the beach, in the waves crashing to shore in their furious sounds and foamy rage at the earth blocking them from continuing, finally coming to rest peacefully at the tide mark. Finally slowing down and accepting that the earth will be there, and that it isn't something to be angry at, but to be savored, with a slow glide up the surface and back out again to where the waves live. 

Grace hides in the treasures those furious waves bring with them to shore. The shark's tooth that has traveled miles to find a resting place, a place to be reunited with the earth and slowly become part of the sands again. The tooth that has been drifting for so long has finally found a new home, a peaceful one.

Grace is in the trees changing color for autumn, shedding their leaves as the seasons change, knowing that they will be restored again in the spring. The trees do not fight grace; they accept it so willingly, so smoothly, confident that the spring will bring renewal.

I want faith like the waves, like the debris on the beach, like the branches of the trees. I want the peace in knowing that renewal is constant, grace is ever present, that He will always be who He says He is. I want faith as pure as nature. I want to be restored to wonder at Him, just as I am restored to wonder at the beauty of the world we live in.

Where do you go to find wonder when your heart is aching?