Wednesday, October 29, 2014

community brew vol. 5 // on having it all

I'm joining up with Rachel and Madison today for Community Brew once again with a topic I've never addressed before.

This post might not sit well with some. It might make some uncomfortable. Maybe even rub some the wrong way.

The harsh truth: I don't care. Sometimes the things that make you uncomfortable are the things you need to hear most.

So here goes nothing.

How many times have you heard someone say "Women can have it all" in a motivational sense? How many times have you heard it used as a sort of feminist anthem?

Don't get me wrong. I'm absolutely a feminist. Jesus was too, by the way. Read the new testament and see just how deeply he valued them, on the same level he did men. But feminism to me means humanism. It means putting all of us on equal ground. Just like Jesus did during his life and through his sacrifice on the cross.

So what does this have to do with "having it all?" 


Having it all sounds exhausting. It involves saying yes to every opportunity. Pursuing every chance for success in every area of life. It involves striving to give the best of you to everything and always pursuing more because you're supposed to have it all, but if you haven't done this yet then you don't have it all even though you've already got this, this, this, this, and oh yeah, this too.

The pursuit of a life in which you have it all will ultimately lead to two things: having not enough left to give of yourself, and exhaustion from constant striving and never allowing yourself a chance to be content.

I want to encourage a different perspective on what it means to have it all. What if you woke up this morning, and instead of thinking about what you need to do in order to finally have it all, thought to yourself, my life is really beautiful, and I already have it all?

What if instead of focusing on striving for more, more, more to prove you can have it all, you focused on being thankful for all you already have?

The thing is, I don't have everything I want yet. I'm not living in the city I want to live in yet, although we have the chance to change that in about five or six months, I don't have the kids I dream about raising yet, and I'm not a homeowner of my white farmhouse with dark green shutters and a dark wooden door with windows everywhere.

When I look at what I don't have yet, it's easy to get discouraged and think I'm somehow not doing enough because I can't have it all yet. Feeling like you're not enough or aren't able to do enough isn't fun. It hurts. And it leads to so much pressure, stress, and exhaustion. Who wants to live in the constant feeling of never having enough?

Not me. Having it all doesn't mean I have to have all I've ever dreamed of at one time. Having it all is already happening to me. And it's happening to you too.

I have the most precious gift: the love and acceptance of a warm and beautiful Savior. Whether or not you believe it or want it, it's there, and it's there for each and every person on Earth. That's the thing about being loved. You aren't in charge of whether or not someone else loves you. They decide. And He's already decided.

I'm a feminist. And I don't have it all by feminist or worldly standards. But I have it all anyway.

I live a beautiful life. I wake up with someone I love and am loved by every day. Two furry wild pups run around making messes in my home and snuggle with me each night. I have a job I love that allows me to spend time in my home. I have friends and family I can call on when I need them.

I'm not wealthy. I might never be wealthy. I'm not a mom. I'm not a homeowner. I'm not travelling the world. I'm not a size four. I'm not a homeowner. I'm not a scholar with a doctorate or any plans to get one right now. I'm not...I'm not...I'm not. The list can go on.

But I'm alive, I'm loved, and in those two simple facts, I have it all anyway. So from now on I'm done thinking I have to pursue more to have it all. I'm done wondering when I'm going to get there. I'm done thinking I'm not feminist enough because I don't have it all or I'm not doing enough because I don't have it all. I'm done focusing on what I don't have and who I'm not.

I know who I am, and I have it all in spite of the million things I don't have. And you do too. I invite you to join me in this new way of thinking of having it all.

Do you struggle with this idea too?
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  1. AMEN TO THIS. I struggle with contentment at time, but it always points me back to Jesus, thankfully! Where do you have the opportunity to move?!

    1. We aren't sure yet, but with my new job, I can work anywhere, and Drew is an RN and can also find a job easily anywhere! Just...not Columbia haha I really don't like it here.

    2. I know of another really cool Columbia....

  2. peace isn't having everything you want & escaping all hardships.... but rather, peace is a stopping of striving. :) love your words Kaitlin!

  3. Perfectly written- being content and at peace- love this!

  4. I love this so very much. I am a feminist too and I don't think being a feminist means having it at all, at all. Like you said, that sound exhausting!

  5. Preach it sister. I don't want to have it all...too much weight on my shoulders. I'm so thankful for a God who knows what I really need and blesses me with that. I love this post!

  6. Totally girl! It's hard to feel gratitude and when we are constantly pushed to want more (and sometimes it's even good things!) but I definitely think the world's idea of feminism is far different than the biblical view.

  7. I just love your sweet heart friend! I am going to start practicing telling myself that I already have it all! I just love your perspective, and I know telling myself this each morning will give me a better outlook!

  8. Amen, amen, amen! I love this so much I could burst! I gave up pursuing having it all a long time ago and have never looked back. Although, I find myself every once in a while slipping back into that mindset and I have to just nip it in the bud!

  9. Kaitlin, I agree with this entire post! I told my sister that I didn't think it was possible to have it all, and she didn't agree with me at all. I know that if I was the absolute best employee at work, I would be neglecting my marriage because I would be spending all my time at work. That's just one example, but I know there are many more. After pushing and pushing myself to do more, to be more in high school, I gave up that lifestyle in college. My goal now is contentment and being thankful for all the gifts I have now.

  10. Totally struggle with this idea from time to time. It is so true, that you don't have to have all your dreams a reality all at one time. To be honest, if I did I don't know if I would get to enjoy them as much as I would like. Being content in the moment of life I am in currently is a beautiful thing, it helps me enjoy each day and the adventures within it.

  11. I definitely struggle with this...alot. Especially lately, it seems. Your words have really put things in perspective though. I'm trying really hard to be grateful and live in the NOW instead of always looking ahead at the next best thing. Thanks for sharing your heart, friend!

    By the way, I love that photo of you!

  12. Seriously i love you friend. I am so glad that we have had the opportunity to get to know each other and can't wait for more time together. I need to change my heart that I have already have it all. I need to enjoy more of what I have and not what I don't have.


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